Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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