I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
