Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
