First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
