There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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