Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
