I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
