the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
