The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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