Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
