if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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