you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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