i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
