college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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