His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
