I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
