I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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