Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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