i think my tv is drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
