omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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