My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
