We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
