he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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