I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
