Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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