ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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