You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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