You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
