Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
