i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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