i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
