it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
