you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
