I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still dying that you shit outside
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
