i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
