Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
