So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
