I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
