Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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