YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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