And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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