it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
