ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
