i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
