Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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