upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
