I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm too high and old for this...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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