Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
