home. puking in laundry basket.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
