Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
