is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
True strength comes from lack of pants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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