Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
